The Esoteric Grimoire
20th May, 2017. 10:17 pm. Rant
I used to be vaguely friends with my roommates. I picked Abigail up from the Metro a bunch of times and from a distant airport in the middle of the night, and we had a couple movie nights; Terry would interrupt a Skype call to tell me something about Pokemon and I gave him a shitton of hair gel. It was pretty good. Then they started more or less ignoring me, and they got closer to each other, and that's fine. Now apparently Terry's pissed that I left dirty dishes in the sink for a while, because when I'm only home between 1 and 8 am and I'm barely able to manage to maintain reasonable levels of food, sleep, and hygiene, dishes aren't my top priority. Now I know I should leave my dirty dishes in my room instead, I guess. My dishes haven't been the only ones in the sink in ages, and I take out the trash almost every week (i.e. no one else does so I do it because otherwise it won't happen) so I didn't think it was a big deal. And now I'm wasting a little time I have home before 1am feeling shitty about it. I have a headache and I haven't showered or done any of the things I need to do in my life besides eat dinner and do laundry. I haven't had a full day off since April 29 (which I spent at a march) and most days I've been working ~14 hours. Can no one give me a teensy break? But I have to keep living with these people and I don't want to move (/definitely don't have time for that shit now) and relationship damage is relationship damage. They used to find me entertaining or something. I don't know. They used to seem to like me. I don't know what I did that I'm not doing now, but I bet I don't have time for it.
18th May, 2017. 2:50 pm.
Today we're working on a piece that is based around livejournal posts. (I'm posting this to dreamwidth, but it x-posts to lj anyway.) Apparently the angsty teen experience of the '00s is epitomized by lj. I don't think my lj was ever very angsty, but I know people's whose were. Anyway, it's gonna be good times.
Read 2 Notes -Make Notes
5th May, 2017. 3:13 pm.
Everything is rehearsal. I'm excited about a lot of things about this show, and this devising process is unlike anything I've done, so my relationship to this show it going to be a new one. We watch a lot of stuff, but this is a pretty great music video and also a dangerously catchy song.
Miike Snow, "Genghis Khan
(This is pretty much entirely about the video and secondarily catchiness, but when I was thinking about that, I started thinking about the lyrics. Now I'm finding it kind of interesting that, while in does play into a sort of normal/normally squicky to me idea of possessiveness/jealousy, it does so while explicitly acknowledging that acting that way is "selfish" and "obscene." He categorizes it as Genghis Khan behavior, which seems to potentially imply uneven expectations of monogamy, which goes further into the potentially sexist territory, but also -- to make assumptions about how the singer feels about Genghis Khan -- seems to recognize that it's backwards, irrational, and not really healthy, but still the way he feels. Which I can appreciate. Sometimes we need to acknowledge the things we feel even if we know they're problematic or unhealthy. And I did my fair share of glamorizing possessive/jealous behavior in my day. I don't know if the overall effect glamorizes it or not, but I think it's ultimately slightly more interesting than the vapid pop jealousy I initially read it as.)
27th April, 2017. 9:09 am.
I seem to have more hours in the day now that I'm in rehearsal. I don't have time to cook, I sleep less, and I don't have as much time for hygiene; I'm not doing some of my normal Flying V stuff because this take precedence. But, I should learn something from this. I can get things done in the evenings to a much greater degree than I normally do. And maybe I need to do more pre-cooking. Like, ASAP, but also in general.
If my roommates have a problem with I-don't-have-time-to-wash-my-dishes, they can complain in the slivers of time when I'm home and awake (and not in the shower). Wee! But actually, it's fun, and I'm actually getting less worried about the stress. I'm gonna miss my Skype dates and my friends though.
Read 1 Note -Make Notes
20th April, 2017. 3:46 pm.
I need to figure out syncing and things but like if you care, https://zinze.dreamwidth.org/
is now a thing.
14th April, 2017. 10:15 am.
Figuring out dreamwidth and syncing and stuff is a thing for not right now. Also it's weirder to look at how old all my lj stuff is when it's in a new context. Everything about this is middle-school to high-school me.
Random coworker associates Cleveland with a punk band. And I'm actually feeling it. So.
Dead Boys, "High Tension Wire
" Apparently this song appeared twice in a row on the vinyl. I'm okay with that. It feels like other songs, but not in a bad way. (You know me and my associations. What do you think, "Don't Fear the Reaper
I wasn't going to include this, but it does bother me when I can't find anyone on the internet who thinks a song sounds like another song. So, come on, those opening beats. Ed Sheeran, "Shape of You
" / Hamilton's "Wait For It
." I can't not associate songs when they start almost the same.
12th April, 2017. 9:39 pm.
My dreamwidth transfer is still in process. I don't know how the exodus is gonna go, but I figure I"lll be ready.
When you think of a Dust Bowl-era folk hero in general, or of Woody Guthrie in that context, what images comes to mind? I think of someone walking off into vast empty spaces. Maybe with a bindle (I had to look up that word). I think of riding the rails. I think of a man alone, which isn't great for a play. But there are all sorts of encounters on the way. Oh gods, I don't want to do the Odyssey structure, though. #nocoldmountainforme
I think of cheerfulness in the face of all obstacles, which is a big contrast for me with the other rural Dust Bowl associations of Grapes of Wrath
. Comradery among the downtrodden, maybe songs around a campfire. But also aimless, rootless, and a little selfless. Beholden to no one but eager to help and to share. But these are not images nor particularly useful at this point.
6th April, 2017. 9:40 am.
I've done a lot of music that's still relevant, but not as much the stuff that's actually current and directly in response.
It's interesting how things seem to get folkier when it comes to immediate responses to current events, or at least the ones that cross my path. There's something to be said for a good, old-fashioned protest song.
John Craigie, "The Silver Lining of Trump as President
Iris DeMent, "We Won't Keep Quiet
Jill Sobule, "Our America Back
Greg Brown, "Trump Can't Have That
[Future-Zan acknowledges this huge oversight: Jenny Owen Youngs, "Prophecy Girl
"] (yes, it's from Buffering the Vampire Slayer, but you've all seen Buffy and even if you haven't there aren't spoilers.)
(To be fair to other genres, Green Day, "Troubled Times
Fiona Apple, "Tiny Hands
(And, in honor of my therapist, I'm gonna take a moment to recognize that even since my most recent bout of political nausea, a few good things have happened. Of course, the fact that these things are set up in the first place is... well. The fight is long. But it is being fought.) (The thing is, every time a good thing happens, a worse thing happens.)( I'm trying. I am.Collapse )
More observations: You may have noticed that the Greg Brown, Iris DeMent type of folk is a bit older-school and close to the border with country, potentially, than I normally go for. I think it's interesting; I doubt you could find a Trump supporter who listens to Girlyman, but if you look at the comments on these videos (I don't recommend reading Youtube comments) you'll find them. Of course, the ones in Youtube comments are firmly entrenched. But it does give me an appreciation for that part of folk that reaches people who aren't going to theatre or reading Hugo nominees or even listening to the queerer or more coastal parts of the genre. The Woody Guthrie stuff has me thinking, too. Can you even imagine having a Communist artist embraced as a hero of middle America and white poverty?
6th April, 2017. 9:12 am.
CIRCLE MIRROR TRANSFORMATION isn't my favorite, but
Lauren: Hey. Um. This is kind of weird -- but do you ever wonder how many times your life is gonna end?
Schultz: Uh... I'm not sure I know what / you...
Lauren: Like how many people you're... like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then, like, start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real and what's happening now is actually...
Schultz: Uh... I don't know. I guess I feel like my life is pretty real.
(There was a time when I thought it would be a good idea to remix scenes with lyrics or bits of songs and I bet you can guess what song would go in this one.)
16th March, 2017. 11:11 am. Some More Relevant Songs
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Le Tigre, "New Kicks"
Green Day, "American Idiot"
Ani DiFranco, "Grand Canyon"
Patti Smith Group, "Citizenship"